Adolescent Effusive

Feeling Fetal

So. Last night, I was basically hyperventalating. Not really exaggerating.
I couldn't stand being in my dark room, all alone, totally vulnerable to anything that might come in. I was so afraid and achey and honestly just wanted to be back in the womb.
I was biting down on my covers and kicking my legs in frustration and crying like nobody's business.
All because I had to sleep alone.
I was very close to waking my parents up and getting into bed with them. I was that scared. I decided that if I threw a fit for long enough I'd exhaust myself and I'd fall asleep. And I did.
I'm just so pissed that I felt like that, though. There was no reason for it and it was pure torture. I never want to feel like that again.
If I don't talk to Jacob until I'm barely conscious or bawl my eyes out before going to bed, I can't sleep. I'm so sick of it.
In conclusion, I'm sleeping in Sarah's bed tonight if our mommies aren't unreasonable because I think I honestly would have killed to get a hug last night. That's really all I needed. I needed a warm body next to mine.
Honestly, when I don't see Jacob for longer than like five days, I don't feel good at all. I love him for himself and I enjoy talking to him on the phone, but I feel so vulnerable and fragile when I'm not burrowed in his chest or enveloped in his arms. Maybe it's dangerous to be so attached, but I really don't care right now. So few things make me feel good that I'm gonna hang on to those things that do with all my might.

posted by M.Jazz @ 3:04 PM