I was crying in APUS today. Lab put me in such a bad mood. Physics is the worst part of my day, including Spanish. I couldn't stop thinking about Zac and all of those goddamn pictures from Homecoming. "Wow, Zac, you look fabulous! Bet you have no idea you're going to be burried in that a week from now!" Maybe that was crass of me to say, but honestly, it's the truth. I just wanted to be in Jacob's bed, laughing under the covers, like I had been less than 12 hours before. I feel like I have this wagon I'm supposed to carry my greif in and sometimes there's two fat kids in it instead of one.
All I wanted to do was slide down my locker to the floor and cry there. However, I went the extra ten feet to Alex's locker and we walked to Creative Writing, where we spent the entire period creating bizarre poems by cutting phrases out of magazines (mine was about slugs having a divine encoutner, his was about assorted meats) and plotting our next adventure. One option involves sweatbands and hand weights, the other involves recycling bins and a getaway car.
I walked home today and it was so bitter cold and windy that I felt like my face was getting ripped off. When I looked in the mirror when I got home, I saw that my cheeks were a perceivably attractive pink. I looked extraordinarily alert and warm-blooded. I thought about it, and realized that, maybe there's really hard things you have to go through, but you end up so much more alive than you had been. I appreciate good things so much more now than I did before and...well...I'm not entirely certain that I would go back and change anything. I would for Zac, but not for me. I think.
posted by M.Jazz @ 2:52 PM
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