Keight called me about an hour ago and...it was really awesome. She let out a bunch of stuff and it was nice to have someone be that honest. I've felt like, lately, there's a lot of small talk in my life. I feel like very few people are actually communicating with me.
Sometimes, my mind goes into instrumental mode. Everything has a certain feel, and you know what it's trying to convey, like music without lyrics. While I was talking to Keight, all of these things tumbled out of my mouth and I was surprised that there was a way to describe it. Feelings that I've been holding in since October just sort of flowed out and...it was relieving.
We talked about how nice it is to be around people you have no strong feelings for. Of course, having people that you feel a lot of devotion to is necessary and completely wonderful, but sometimes it's nice not to have to take every relationship seriously. It's nice to have those friends that you enjoy the company of but that you don't feel you could tell everything to. It's comforting to be around someone who doesn't know everything about you. The way I am prevents me from having secrets. I tell people I trust everything, without holding back. It's just a matter of time before my friends know every nook and cranny of my psyche. It's oddly empowering to be around someone that doesn't know much about your past or how you feel about absolutely everything. They will only know what you choose to tell them. Granted, this whole feeling of being at a distance diminishes with time, but it's queerly special while it lasts.
My relationships in which everything is shared and infinate amount of loyalty exists are invaluable and I'd never trade them for anything, but they involve a lot of work. While they're worth the work, the work can be exhausting. All I'm saying is that it's nice to be around someone whose only purpose in your life in entertainment. It's an emotional break.
posted by M.Jazz @ 11:57 PM
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