I woke up this morning feeling sorry for myself.
I laid in bed for an hour, depressing the hell out of myself. I was torturing myself with what will happen to me next year when Jacob, Keight, Julia, and Alex are gone. I honestly feel like I'd be nothing without them. When I'm asked to tell about myself, the first things out of my mouth are The BSP and Jacob. Every time. I don't say, "Well, I'm pretty into theatre...I think I'm going to be a great director someday. I mean, I'm such a great leader." No. I talk about them. Once they're not within 20 minutes...I dont know what I'm going to do.
And then I read some of Zac's blog. That kid was so damn hopeful about the future. All the time. And I'm thinking about what I said about the kids in my Creative Writing class. I said that I couldn't understand why they'd create tragedy when, while using their imaginations, they can create joy and good circumstances. So, I had to ask myself, What the hell are you doing?
I'm still sad that these people won't be as readily available, but all of these foolish notions I have of them forgetting me and replacing me within weeks of leaving are ridiculous. I don't make friends with people like that. Yea, they'll have new lives, but I'll still be part of them in some way. And I should be happy for them, not mad at them for wanting to leave.
I've gotta stop being so selfish.
posted by M.Jazz @ 10:20 AM
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