Adolescent Effusive

.wav

Starting Wednesday, everything came rushing back full force. Zac is gone. Zac is never coming back. I cried myself to sleep Wednesday night and Thursday afternoon. Friday I was great. Saturday I was freaking out. I was on the phone and I was basically eating my pillow so that no one could hear me. There was a span of time when Jacob had to go open Hanuhkah presants so I had to get off the phone and call him back in ten minutes. I spent the entire ten minutes talking to Zac and telling him how mad I was that I was in this situation and telling him how mad I was that he wouldn't talk back. I was using every ounce of my strength not to scream at the top of my lungs.
I cried through church and it felt like my lungs were gonna explode because, once again, I wanted to scream so badly.
I just felt like shit all over again.
We went to the Zarbos and we were looking through Zac's computer files. Amongst some miscellaneous picture files (most of which were of us), there was this unexplained .wav file. We clicked on it, and it was this one second byte of Zac saying, "I love the BSP." And it kept looping. It erased every drop of greif in me for that few minutes when I was processing what had just happened.
Sometime in Zac's life, he sat down and took the time to say, "I love the BSP" so that it would be preserved forever and he had NO idea he'd be gone and that one second of his life would salvage my sanity.
I love you, Zac.

posted by M.Jazz @ 9:22 PM